Sorrow drips into your heart from a pinhole

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Originally uploaded by Rachel Ariel.

I had something to say here, and I don't know if I remember what it was.

It had to do with the inevitable futility of trying to do something *good* in the world. With the ways in which people destroy themselves by slow degrees, and the ways in which we justify these things.

I throw myself into the LSAT with what can only be described as the half hearted full tilt enthusiasm of desperation. I do it because it's something to do, and it makes more sense than every other option.

All I really want is for things to be as peaceful and wonderful as they are in my head. A kind hearted guy who loves me will keep me warm at night, and we will challenge one another and debate the important things, and be secure that no matter what else, we love each other. We will have a sun filled cottage, or fourth floor apartment with a fire escape. We will have two cats lying on the foot of the bed on Sunday morning, and maybe even a well behaved dog.

We will be content with one another, and that will give us both the strength to take on the world.

I am realizing that I need to believe in love, I need to love and be loved, because without that I will wither away into a jaded, sad knot of pain. I have taken on a great task, I have huge dreams, and most of the time I can keep myself warm enough to keep those dreams floating in the air. But sometimes I get so cold inside, and I never know when that's going to happen, but that's when I need someone else to warm me. I need someone to look at my dreams, and to see that they are worthwhile, good dreams, and I need someone, or many someones to help me keep my dreams floating. And I of course, will help them keep their dreams up in the air.

I need someone to help me remember that the world is worth saving.