My mind is feeling a little noisy at the moment. I had a dream last night that I was in my elementary school carpool, but that we were all as old as we are now. And whenever I tried to talk to anyone they acted like I was the village idiot. It was just like elementary school, when carpool was probably the thing I dreaded most about each day. What made it even harder was that one of the people in the dream was one of my best friends. She had been in my carpool for a year when we were young, and it was not the best year of our friendship. Yet we have come a very long way in the intervening fifteen years. She and I had a wonderful phone conversation yesterday, which I remembered in my dream, and which served to confuse me wholeheartedly.
I am learning how not to be passive aggressive, or even just aggressive. I am learning how to balance my needs when I am upset with my desire to understand others needs. And I am working on not bothering people with things that will upset them at a time when they are not able to focus on it (such as not telling people stuff when they are at work).
I am in a new relationship, and it feels even newer since it has been so long since my last one. I am trying to teach myself good habits, trying to be good to this person who has given me a chance. But I am also trying to be good to myself, and it is a challenging balance to maintain.
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