I've got a bird that whistles, I've got a bird that sings

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Originally uploaded by Rachel Ariel.

Trust is an evolving beast in this world of internet and casual encounters. I am occasionally struck by the incredible urge to delete my internet presence (blogger, livejournal, flickr, last.fm, musicmobs, google, facebook, myspace, friendster, librarything) because it frightens me to see how comfortable I have become with the reality of inviting strangers into my world.


Who are the people that I have become friends with? They live all over the world, but most of them are people I know to some degree in the "real" world.


I often believe myself safe, because who would want to steal my identity? I wouldn't want to steal my identity, and I've created it. Perhaps that's why I so enjoy my internet presence, it allows me to control what other people see of me. I only share the words I like, I only upload the pictures that I think make me look good.


For a control freak with low self esteem, the internet allows me to control what my "friends" learn about me. Unlike my co-workers (the largest group of friends I have outside of the internet) they don't see me when my hair is uncooperative, when my skin is blotchy, when I am bloated and have bags under my eyes. Unlike my friends from college and high school they haven't seen me at my worst (though perhaps my longtime livejournal friends have come close), emotionally drained and ready to quit.


I wonder sometimes who the people I find online really are, the consummate peeping tom, I peer into the windows that they open to the internet. Much as I often wish I could step outside of myself and observe myself as others see me, I sometimes wonder what the internet collage that is Ariel looks like to someone who has never met me.